27.

I guess that unless you really knew me then that's when you would understand how I really work. People joke around with me a lot, even to the point I'm the subject of their laughter I play along with it smile and brush it off. But when you're young I guess people don't really understand. It's times like these I feel weakest and I'm scared for myself. Looking back at old times and thinking 'How did I get here" or "why did I get here" Some things just can't be explained but are to be left in the hands of God with Trust. The only thing I really know now that makes me happy are happy memories. When my Dad was alive really.. replaying the memories and the stories my Mom would tell me. It's what keeps me going because most of me has lost hope in who I am. I guess that's what I hate about myself the most at this instant the fact that I let myself fall so weak. and for what? For selfish reasons? I think my weakness is more than just my obvious body image/face image flaw. It's probably letting my other me tell me that I am hopeless. It's letting that other side of me allowing to believe those lies of the devil. I think more than anything I'm disappointed with myself. The road to happiness is a never ending journey and can only be acquired through the darkest of times and the more I find it the more sadness and anger find it's way to rid me of it.